‘Dating Women Is Gay,’ Says America First Leader During Successful Quest to Remain Lifelong Virgin

At least one leader from America First – the supremely idiotic white nationalist posse – is taking the name seriously. In fact, he puts America so far atop his list of cardinal virtues that everything else comes a distant second. Things like having a girlfriend, being taken seriously, and especially doing the sex.

Nick Fuentes, head honcho of America First and self-proclaimed incel (short for involuntarily celibate, meaning no one wants to have sex with him ever) was infuriated when he discovered his treasurer and so-called best friend had gone out and got himself a girlfriend. The bastard. Despite making a celibacy pact, his taller and better-looking colleague Jaden McNeil fiendishly scored some tang. And the fallout is causing ripples.

Fuente’s position (which does not include missionary) is so firmly set against fraternizing with double X chromosomes that he fired his former bestie before railing against him in a luscious live stream. Because with a girl in the picture, how will McNeil have time to hate-tweet about George Floyd, promote anti-gay bigotry, and compare himself favorably to Hitler?

Enraged to the point of manic glee, Fuentes dropped some white nationalist wisdom bombs during the recent video podcast: “If we’re really being honest, never having a girlfriend, never having sex with a woman, really makes you more heterosexual, because honestly, dating women is gay.” To shore up any doubts about the sensical nature of his thought process, he added, “if you want to know the truth, the only really straight, heterosexual position is to be an asexual incel.”

Sounds like the guy has it all figured out. Well, everything except for the true nature of his own sexuality.